Torn between two worlds

To Jewish people, I look Jewish; to Arabs, I look Arab. This has enabled me to experience both cultures- something not everyone is able to do. I've already talked some about the different treatment both offer to one another, but I feel like I've gotten the best of both worlds so far. With a few minor exceptions, I've been able to mold to both cultures and I consider that I'm in a very privileged situation. But I also feel like I'm not getting the full story on either side.

So far, I've noticed, that one could visit Israel without even noticing the very present Arab component of its citizens- they all speak Hebrew and English (in addition to Arabic), and you can't really tell them apart- at least I can't (but I've been told otherwise). The key to being able to tap into this, almost underground, culture is the language. That's the starting point, but in order to have full access, I think you need more than just that- I have the advantage of my roots being traced back to this part of the world; I'm not sure if that's the reason why people are more open with me, or if they would be just as open if I wasn't. 

At the same time, I've been really fortunate to encounter very open members of the Jewish community, like Aryeh, that have invited me to experience different aspects of the Jewish culture. Like you can probably tell from what I've been writing, I wasn't familiar at all with this culture, which I have found to be beautiful and very rich. Honestly, this has come as a shock to me, knowing that so many people have suffered as a result of the creation of the state of Israel. Now that I've been able to get to know the Jewish culture, though, I realize that its destruction, which was approaching quickly at the time when the Israeli state was created, would have been a terrible loss for humanity.

I'm a proponent of each individual being able to express themselves and their beliefs freely- as long as those beliefs are not detrimental or destructive of the human race. I'm fortunate enough to be experiencing the best part of both cultures and I think they both should be celebrated, but not at the sake of the other. Therefore, I'm torn; on one hand I feel that being able to experience the Jewish part of society is such a blessing, but on the other hand, knowing that my father and other Palestinians have struggled and continue to struggle to be who they are, makes me almost feel guilty for understanding the existence of Israel.

I'm starting to have deeper conversations with members of both groups, and I'm coming across very varying opinions on the subject. This is how I feel so far, and as my conversations and experiences evolve, I will be writing more about it, but these are some of my initial thoughts.